Brittany Stinson
今年四月份的時候,她拿到了5所常春藤大(dà)學的錄取通知(zhī):耶魯大(dà)學,哥倫比亞大(dà)學,賓大(dà),達特茅斯和康奈爾大(dà)學,此外(wài),錄取率低至4.69%的斯坦福大(dà)學也給她抛來了橄榄枝。
被6所頂尖美國名校青睐,除了優秀的學術成績,申請文書(shū)起了極其重要的作用。雖然寫出了精彩的文書(shū),但是作者Brittany承認,和廣大(dà)筒子們一(yī)樣,在1000字之内表達自己的特質并不容易,因此在動筆之前,就使勁想,想清楚自己有哪些性格特點,并鎖定一(yī)兩個集中(zhōng)描述。
在确定要給招生(shēng)官展示自己的哪些特質後,她選擇了用頑皮的語調進行描述:通過以美國人們熟知(zhī)的場景——到Costco購物(wù)作爲引子,引起讀者的興趣,描述了一(yī)幅又(yòu)一(yī)幅大(dà)家熟悉卻從未深刻研究過的畫面,從而順理成章帶出了自己的性格特點——永不停歇的求知(zhī)欲。
YS小(xiǎo)編也爲大(dà)家整理了幾個藤校招生(shēng)官特别青睐的文書(shū)亮點,一(yī)起來看一(yī)下(xià)吧:
Nelson Ureña 曾在康奈爾擔任本科招生(shēng)工(gōng)作,他說:文章開(kāi)頭設置懸念,勾起了讀者的好奇心,自然而然吸引讀者一(yī)直讀下(xià)去(qù)。接着讀下(xià)面幾段,她的故事慢(màn)慢(màn)聚焦起來,随着她的描述,讀者在腦海裏也會升起一(yī)幅畫面。
達特茅斯學院的前招生(shēng)主任David Jiang說,身爲招生(shēng)官,短期内很難閱讀數百篇申請材料還能記憶深刻,因此學生(shēng)需要展示ta與衆不同的地方,才能讓招生(shēng)官在一(yī)天工(gōng)作結束後還有印象。而這篇文書(shū)之所以能讓人記住,是因爲她獨特的闡述角度。當我(wǒ)看到文章開(kāi)頭描述一(yī)個2歲的女孩飛奔去(qù)Costco要免費(fèi)的樣品時,我(wǒ)不由自主讀下(xià)去(qù)想看個究竟。
除了巧設懸念,通篇文章的描述能讓讀者對作者産生(shēng)好感。這也是文書(shū)的亮點之一(yī)。Nelson Ureña 說:『在看文書(shū)前,我(wǒ)對Brittany一(yī)無所知(zhī),但看完文書(shū),我(wǒ)想對這個充滿求知(zhī)欲的、機智的、豐富幽默、善于表達的年輕姑娘了解更多。她的文書(shū)成功在能讓讀者對她産生(shēng)好感。』
賓大(dà)招生(shēng)官Hirschfeld Legatt也同意這一(yī)點,并說,從招生(shēng)官的角度看,那些脫穎而出的申請人都有一(yī)個共同點:讓别人喜歡,即讓人對ta産生(shēng)好感(招生(shēng)官肯定不會錄取自己不喜歡的學生(shēng))。
"From the undergraduate committee perspective, students who stood out had only one thing in common: likability," Hirschfeld Legatt said.
而除了冷冰冰的成績,能讓别人對你産生(shēng)喜歡的也隻有文書(shū),通過文書(shū)展示你的個人品格,可見文書(shū)在申請名校時有多重要。很容易想象,招辦的老師們在閱讀文書(shū)時,忍不住發出會心一(yī)笑,從而深深的記住了這個優秀幽默的申請人。
"By the end of the committee discussion, admissions officers would be most excited to admit — and eventually meet — students whose essays could illuminate the unique identity of the person behind the application," she continued.
康奈爾前招生(shēng)官Nelson Ureña 說,我(wǒ)還注意到了 Brittany 在文書(shū)中(zhōng)的用詞,如果你回過頭再看這篇文書(shū),并把所有的動詞标亮,你會發現這些詞都是精心挑選的,它們不僅描述了動作,還表達了作者的心情,比如: charged, rampaging, widened, sliced, sprinted, touch, taste, stick, explore, scour, whisked, scaled, survey, towered, navigate.
誇了這麽多,Nelson Ureña也提出了一(yī)些修改建議:從我(wǒ)個人來說,我(wǒ)會建議Brittany減少形容詞和副詞的使用,使文章簡短,更容易閱讀。當然,這也不是什麽大(dà)毛病。
賓大(dà)前招生(shēng)官Hirschfeld Legatt說,Brittany有講好故事的能力,她的文書(shū)最大(dà)的優點是繪聲繪色地展示了她是一(yī)個怎樣的人。通篇讀完,我(wǒ)們形成的印象是這個女孩有見地,有創新思維,幽默風趣。我(wǒ)尤其記得一(yī)個既發人深省又(yòu)忍俊不禁的句子:'If there exists a thirty-three ounce jar of Nutella, do we really have free will?'
以下(xià)爲Brittany Stinson申請文書(shū)原文:
題目: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
原文:Managing to break free from my mother’s grasp, I charged. With arms flailing and chubby legs fluttering beneath me, I was the ferocious two year old rampaging through Costco on a Saturday morning. My mother’s eyes widened in horror as I jettisoned my churro; the cinnamonsugar rocket gracefully sliced its way through the air while I continued my spree. I sprinted through the aisles, looking up in awe at the massive bulk products that towered over me. Overcome with wonder, I wanted to touch and taste, to stick my head into industrialsized freezers, to explore every crevice. I was a conquistador, but rather than searching the land for El Dorado, I scoured aisles for free samples. Before inevitably being whisked away into a shopping cart, I scaled a mountain of plush toys and surveyed the expanse that lay before me: the kingdom of Costco.
Notorious for its oversized portions and dollarfifty hot dog combo, Costco is the apex of consumerism. From the days spent being toted around in a shopping cart to when I was finally tall enough to reach lofty sample trays, Costco has endured a steady presence throughout my life. As a veteran Costco shopper, I navigate the aisles of foodstuffs, thrusting the majority of my weight upon a generously filled shopping cart whose enormity juxtaposes my small frame. Over time, I’ve developed a habit of observing fellow patrons tote their carts piled with frozen burritos, cheese puffs, tubs of ice cream, and weightloss supplements. Perusing the aisles gave me time to ponder. Who needs three pounds of sour cream? Was cultured yogurt any more wellmannered than its uncultured counterpart? Costco gave birth to my unfettered curiosity.
While enjoying an obligatory hot dog, I did not find myself thinking about the ‘all beef’ goodness that Costco boasted. I instead considered finitudes and infinitudes, unimagined uses for tubs of sour cream, the projectile motion of said tub when launched from an eighty foot shelf or maybe when pushed from a speedy cart by a scrawny seventeen year old. I contemplated the philosophical: If there exists a thirtythree ounce jar of Nutella, do we really have free will? I experienced a harsh physics lesson while observing a shopper who had no evident familiarity of inertia's workings. With a cart filled to overflowing, she made her way towards the sloped exit, continuing to push and push while steadily losing control until the cart escaped her and went crashing into a concrete column, 52” plasma screen TV and all. Purchasing the yuletide hickory smoked ham inevitably led to a conversation between my father and me about Andrew Jackson’s controversiality. There was no questioning Old Hickory’s dedication; he was steadfast in his beliefs and pursuits – qualities I am compelled to admire, yet his morals were crooked. We both found the ham to be more likeable–and tender.
I adopted my exploratory skills, fine tuned by Costco, towards my intellectual endeavors. Just as I sampled buffalochicken dip or chocolate truffles, I probed the realms of history, dance and biology, all in pursuit of the ideal cart–one overflowing with theoretical situations and notions both silly and serious. I sampled calculus, crosscountry running, scientific research, all of which are now household favorites. With cart in hand, I do what scares me; I absorb the warehouse that is the world. Whether it be through attempting aerial yoga, learning how to chart blackbody radiation using astronomical software, or dancing in front of hundreds of people, I am compelled to try any activity that interests me in the slightest.
My intense desire to know, to explore beyond the bounds of rational thought; this is what defines me. Costco fuels my insatiability and cultivates curiosity within me at a cellular level. Encoded to immerse myself in the unknown, I find it difficult to complacently accept the “what”; I want to hunt for the “whys” and dissect the “hows”. In essence, I subsist on discovery.
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